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Friday, July 27, 2012

Learning and hoping

Hello, readers! Sorry to have kept you waiting. I had been without a laptop for two days, but now I have a new charger and I can be connected to technology again. FYI, this blog was meant to be a Friday blog. I think when I wrote my first entry it was thursday evening back home; sorry for the confusion. But for the folks in the States, this will be here when you wake up. ;)

So Wednesday was Payday! My first check here. It was nice to finally get some money for groceries and other necessities. Before this week, it had seemed to me that during some point of every day I was in a state of despair. This feeling of despair usually stemmed from the fact that I barely speak Thai and am incapable of finding my way around the city. I think all of that changed when I went to Pantip (the IT mall). My neighbor friend Kim went with me, and I was really grateful for her time, considering the fact that she's been busy working on a book. There's something about the human instinct of survival and also knowing that God will take care of you that pushes you forward. Once I knew how the bus system worked, it was actually kind of thrilling to ride on a bus that flew (Thai bus drivers, and probably taxicab drivers, on crack will be saved for a later story).

There's a Filipino teacher here named Cherry and apparently her aunt grew up with my dad and uncle. I met her the other day and she's very nice. When I think about how old my uncle is, I'm puzzled by the fact that she was his high school classmate because she looks much older than him. I think the years have been unkind to her. Several years ago, auntie Lily's husband died in a sort of bizarre accident that you hear on the news but never think it'll happen to you. He was waiting for a bus and someone in line was pushing him; it was probably crowded and people were probably squished together. Well, he ended up falling onto the railroad tracks and hit his head and died. I can't imagine how hard that must have been for her. She has a daughter too, but she's back in the Philippines. That must have also been hard for her. That's probably why auntie Lily looks old, from the years of grieving.

One of the things I'm learning here is that I can't be too quick to judge people. During prayer meeting, my fellow Filipinos (because the international church here is actually 50% Filipino, maybe more) were praising God despite the storms in their lives. Quick to dismiss them as cookie-cutter christians, I doubted the fact that their mission compound, adventist school lives encountered much turbulence. But maybe they have had rough times and I was just needing to look closer. Whether or not they are sincere "sufferers", we still need each other. It's like this Thai idiom I learned of recently: How can a ship go without water, or how can a tiger survive without a forest? The essential message is that we need to work together. At work, you have to collaborate with others to finish a project. As christians, we have to work together for a different mission: to build God's kingdom.

My last, last point, I promise. I've been talking about how I've had moments of despair since I got here. Well, when I was eating at the A & W in Pantip (yes, they have one!) Kim and I came across a man who said he was tired of all the poverty and prostitution in the Philippines; he was probably living in Manila. She told him that wherever you are, if you're in a new place you have to focus on the reason why you're there, otherwise you can easily become frustrated or confused. I think I did lose sight of why I am here, of why God called me here. Instead of letting God handle my battles, I dwelled more on the negative. I have to focus my mind daily on what it is I need to do here; I have to give it all to God, even when it's hard.

But besides my clear-cut mission in Bangkok, the country's plaguing issues of prostitution and human trafficking have formed a big, dark cloud that hangs over my head. I don't know how much in-depth knowledge you have regarding these issues, but the stats brought despair to a whole new level. If you're talking about prostitution, Thais are generally tolerant of the practice, and there have been previous efforts to legalize it; that's just the way their moral code works. I know it's different from many western perspectives, and I find it to be troublesome. With the issue of human trafficking, numbers upon numbers are tricked, coaxed, or kidnapped into becoming sex slaves and labor workers. Many of these individuals are children, and many more come from out of the country. It's funny to think about how, almost a year ago, these same issues detracted my desire to come to Thailand. Now, I feel really sad about it, and I want to help. Realistically, the success of shutting down human trafficking rings and networks are nearly impossible because these guys (and girls) work together on an international basis, and in a lot of countries corrupt governments are in on it too. I think ideally, ideally, I would want to be a part of an undercover operation that was successful in this feat. Why not? I can still pray and believe, and God is still God. If I want to help them, God wants to save them.

1 comment:

  1. thank you for being vulnerable about your despair and i'm thankful you're able to name it and work through it. AND yay for a new charger ;)

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